Marriage? Did you say Marriage?

Or Racism et al – Part 2


Some time ago I posted on “Ageism, Racism and Abilitism” in a general way, on what I had witnessed in others. And I did write that I would come back to the topic on a more personal basis. Then I got busy with this, that, the other, months passed… and Part 2 got pushed aside. But this week some event reminded me of my intention, so here goes. Put on your sun lotion, shield your eyes with dark glasses, and hold on to your sun hat, this may be a bit “hot”… (after all, it is summer!)


Once upon a time, once upon several centuries in fact, in places quite close to us, marriage outside of one’s class was not even thought of. One could not look at another human “beneath” one.

Once upon a time, in places quite close to us, marriage outside of one’s race could not be considered. Whites married whites, blacks married blacks. That was the only order of things.

Once upon a time, once upon countries, marriage outside of one’s cast or one’s religion was taboo. The Big No-No!

And then, in some countries, in some times, slowly things changed. People who fell in love were increasingly allowed to pledge themselves to each other, irrespective of class, race, cast, or religion. Some parts of our little planet were “growing up”, becoming more tolerant, less bigoted.

And once upon this week, Ireland grew up a little. A few days ago I heard it said that Ireland came of age, albeit in a small way. The Civil Partnership Bill was passed in Dáil Éireann (the Irish Parliament) with such a majority that no vote needed to be taken. It was unanimous - makes a change after the previous bill earlier in the week, all about some stags, and dogs… and other such crucially important piece of legislation for the recovery of our economy! Some circus this was! Sorry for the digression, but sometimes I really wonder about our politicians!

So the Civil Partnership bill was passed. It does not allow same-sex marriage per se, it does not recognise the children of same-sex unions. BUT, to some extent, it does recognise that such long term relationships exist, such unions are facts, and it does recognise the rights of same-sex partners. It’s a start.

To put things into perspective, sexual acts between men stopped being a criminal offence only 18 years ago! (Interestingly, the possibility of sexual acts between two women had not even been thought of by the authors of this law! More bigotry). It took David Norris 5 years of legal battles in the Irish High Court, then in the Irish Supreme Court, and finally in the European Court of Human Rights, before Ireland was shamed and forced to repeal an antiquated law dating back to the old British rule, and pass its own legislation. That in itself took another 5 years, just for the government of the time to think of an appropriate wording that simply would state: if you are an adult and gay, and engage in consensual sexual acts with someone of the same sex as you, in the privacy of your own home, you are not a criminal.

The road travelled is slow, but it’s is travelled.

And to think that the same David Norris could be running for the Irish Presidency next year. That would be something!


Now, let’s shift time and space. And come to once upon last summer, in Dublin, with yours truly attending the World Down Syndrome Congress.

So I walked in the Helix building in DCU on the first morning. Being a little early before the start of the first plenary session, I took a wander around the various stands outside the auditorium: they were about books, various educational aids, research, celebration of athletes, various DS organisations, paintings and other art forms by people with DS, life testimonies, including the marriage of a young woman with DS and a man without DS… did I see right? Marriage? To my own surprise, I am ashamed to say I did a double take. Me, the liberal, the person who gets so wound up so quickly about what I perceive as basic human rights – a certain group of people who know me well have a saying: “here she goes again!” and they almost do it on purpose to push my button, so sure are they of my reaction! – indeed, I was taken aback.

I did not have much time to think about what was happening, as the bell rung for the first plenary session, so I went in to take my seat. And there, what did I hear, but the second speaker, David Hingsburger, addressing the congress on the topic of Self Concept, and telling the story of two people he had worked with, one of whom had DS, who had been shun by their community for being in love and for wanting to get married.

And all through the three days of the congress, the word “marriage” kept coming back. It took me a few days for me to understand my reaction that first morning. I had simply never thought of relationships outside of the family, and by this I mean romantic relationships, as a probability, even as a possibility, for someone with DS. For some reason, what I would consider as the normal way of life, did not apply in this case. What I would wish for anybody else did not cross my mind in the case of someone with DS. Shame on me!

I have since come back from this. I had read and heard testimonies, and seen marriage videos on the net and on some blogs that have quite moved me. But the liberal Nan P realised she was not “that” liberal up to last summer.

The thing is, she is not the only one! In fact, the law as it currently stands in Ireland is not a bit liberal for people with an intellectual disability. Over the last few months, it has come to my attention that people with an intellectual disability, under the law:

- can be refused opening a bank account, taking out a loan, owning property,

- do not need to be asked for their consent for medical treatments,

- can be refused the right to vote if the returning officer of their polling station decides they do not have the “capacity” to vote.
- can be denied access to justice because of their disability, especially in case of assaults, as the judge has the right to decide they do not have the “capacity” to testify.
- can be considered as criminals if they engage in a sexual relationship with another person with an intellectual disability. The extent of this is that the right of people with an intellectual disability to have consenting relationships is in doubt under law, and this implies the right to get married.

The last point refers to the Criminal Law (Sexual Offences) Act 1993, a recent enough piece of legislation.

But the essence the other points above refers to, wait for it, wait for it… the Lunacy Act of 1871.

Don’t you love the language of choice? Don’t you love the fact that yet another antiquated law, passed during “British Rule”, decides on what a person with DS, or a person with Autism, can or cannot do?

The law need to be changed. Interestingly, Ireland was among the first countries to sign the Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities in March 2007. The then Justice Minister Michael McDowell had said it would be ratified “as soon as possible”. However, before it can be ratified, modern legislation must be introduced to remove all the “anomalies” listed above.

Three years later we are still waiting… Nothing is moving, nothing is stirring…

Ireland may have come of age somewhat this week. But it certainly is not fully mature yet. Forms of racism and abilitism are not only still rampant in our society, they are enshrined in our laws.

As for this post, please accept it as my “mea culpa”, and proof of my own “growing up” ;-)

Can we? ... Of course we can!

Or to borrow a well worn slogan: “YES WE CAN!”


We can do anything we set out to do.

We can develop our abilities to their very limit if we put our minds and hearts to it.

We can change our view of the world to become more inclusive.

We can take little steps every day, and when we look back we will see that we have travelled thousands of miles.

The previous post on this blog was my 100th. A little milestone. One hundred posts on a journey of discovery. Because when this little old granny – sorry but I need to rephrase this to “this little young granny”. Ah, feels much better! – started this blog, she had already realised that all she thought she knew of life was actually very little, and very much one-sided. But her little blog pushed open a door barely ajar before this, and introduced her into a very different world. Not only the world of Down Syndrome, but other worlds, other challenges, other joys.

For example, one day this little young granny received an email from a fellow blogger who shall not remain nameless (Hello Hammie) asking her if she would like to join a working group for an organisation called Kanchi. After a few diary mishaps, she finally got herself free enough to agree and meet with them – going by a very simple principle: if she can do anything at all that may help Cathal directly or indirectly, short term or long term, it is worth doing. On this occasion, and on any othere one after this, she was welcomed with open arms – literally, so many genuine hugs from people she had never met before, she just loved it!

But she kept asking (and still does sometimes): “Are you sure you want me here? Are you sure I qualify?”

Because this working group is made up of people with all sorts of disabilities, or people closely associated with people with all sorts of disabilities. And let’s face it, even though she does not like this phrase, it’s true that her only qualification to this group is the fact that she is “only” the grandmother of a child with Down Syndrome...

Ever since joining this group, her eyes have opened up to aspects of life she had barely heard about before. She has been more enriched since last year than she would have been with several university degrees. For one thing, never before had she sat down for breakfast with three lovely gentlemen who all happened to be blind, and she was in absolute awe at how they navigated through their Full Irish – a big fry up of bacon, eggs, sausages, black pudding, white pudding, mushrooms, tomatoes and beans - in other words: The Works! ;-)

And all this education for the price of only a few hours every so often at weekends, to discuss and tease out the various projects the organisation is involved in.

You can read more about Kanchi here, but let me just tell you that this organisation was founded 10 years ago by visually impaired social entrepreneur Caroline Casey. It works to change the social landscape for people with disabilities by, among other things, targeting the big bad world of business to change their attitudes toward disabilities, and showing them that integration is key to a successful business. Among other projects, Kanchi launched the O2 Ability Awards five years ago, a competition for companies and other organisations to bring themselves up to certain Ability Integration standards, and then have a chance to win an award for their efforts. This concept is catching on, as Kanchi announced recently that the Ability Awards are moving into Spain this year, sponsored by O2’s mothership, Telefonica.

RTE (Irish television) is also part of the initiative, and you can see here the first of two programmes transmitted last Thursday. The Awards Ceremony is on tomorrow evening 12th May and will be shown on RTE1 the following night (Thursday 13th May). It will be presented by our own-grown TV personality Ryan Tubridy and Kanchi founder Caroline Casey, and will have such special guests as none other than former Irish President and UN High Commissioner for Human Rights Mary Robinson.

But watch out carefully in the background, because this little young granny has also been asked to attend, just to cheer on the winners… Her little black dress is all ready, and she just can’t wait...

“The greatest disability is attitude. To change the way society behaves we have to change the way it thinks.”

(borrowed from the Kanchi website)

Coming Out? Chapter Two

I recently learnt that John Chambers, CEO of Cisco, e.g. one of the world top business people, belongs to my club as me, and has apparently been very open about it. This got me thinking. A little research later, and I realised that a large number of business people are also members, such as, but to name a few, Richard Branson (of the Virgin Airline and Virgin TV fame), the Naked Chef himself Jamie Oliver, and Ingvar Kamprad (who?... actually, he is the founder of Ikea). In short, people we would consider to be successful.

But this club is not only for business people. “Great” thinkers, writers and painters can also be found: Hans Christian Anderson, Leonardo Da Vinci, Pablo Picasso. Quite a lot of artists and media people of all types as well – ok, I’ll drop names again, all in a tumble: Anthony Hopkins, John Irving, John de Lancie, Cher, Whoopi Goldberg, Noel Gallagher, Jay Leno, Ozzy Osbourne, Keanu Reeves, Guy Ritchie. And sports people as well, for example Jackie Stewart (had to slip in someone connected with Formula One here, could not resist). And I remember hearing a couple of years ago an interview with one of our Boyz, namely Shane Lynch, where he said he is one of us too.

I am not saying that I feel proud to be associated with every one of these people, some I would certainly not describe myself as a fan of. However this list is interesting as it shows that our club encompasses all walks of life, all levels of intellect, both genders, and overall between 5 to 7% of the population. Our club is Dyslexia.



The Dyslexia Association of Ireland defines dyslexia as follows:

Dyslexia is manifested in a continuum of specific learning difficulties related to the acquisition of basic skills in reading, spelling and/or writing, such difficulties being unexplained in relation to an individual's other abilities and educational experiences. Dyslexia can be described at the neurological, cognitive and behavioural levels. It is typically characterised by inefficient information processing, including difficulties in phonological processing, working memory, rapid naming and automaticity of basic skills. Difficulties in organisation, sequencing and motor skills may also be present.


Another definition I found states:

Specific developmental dyslexia is a disorder manifested by difficulty learning to read despite conventional instruction, adequate intelligence, and adequate sociocultural opportunity... Dyslexia is diagnosed in people of all levels of intelligence.



So how did it manifest itself for me?

As a child learning to read and write, the first problem I remember (I may have encountered others before this, but I simply do not remember) was not understanding why my teacher kept giving out to me while pointing out mistakes in my spelling: I simply could not see them. Even though I knew the difference between b and d, between m and n, between p and q, when I read them as part of a printed word, each pair got all mixed up when it came to writing them down, and then reading back what I had written. I simply could not see the difference. Similarly, I could correctly write a c or an s, a g or a j, but could not “speak” the difference within each pair when spelling out aloud – this is still with me now, I always have to stop and think; the fact that the sounds of the letters g and j are inverted between English and French makes it even harder for me. The other thing that caused me major difficulties was reading aloud. Even though I remember learning to read fairly quickly, it was fine as long as it was “in my head”. This to a point that by the age of 8 I used to go down to the public library several times a week, and take out the maximum number of books allowed, all the while reading my own books at home over and over again. But once asked to do read aloud, stumbling or coming up with different words than those on paper were the norm. I remember my frustration as I knew I could read but could not prove it, and the sense of ridicule as I was forced to struggle in front of the class in school.

Apart from my appallingly bad hand writing (described as “spider-feet” while in primary school, and it is still pretty awful), my spelling remained incredibly messy, and uneven; by this I mean that I would rarely repeat the same mistake twice, it just seemed to strike at random. While I was growing up, the French education system had a great scoring system for spelling: the children were given a dictation, marked over 20 points, and either one point or half a point was deducted for every mistake, depending on its “severity” (I kid you not!). I remember my mother being told by a teacher, in front of me – I was by then in secondary school so probably about 11 or 12 – that I had achieved her overall record of minus 25 over 20! How about that for confidence-building? Would not consistently reaching zero have been enough to show there was a problem?

Retaining information, learning texts by heart, or dates, or names, or simply learning my “tables” (multiplication, etc...) were particularly difficult – there goes the sequencing bit. The written and the oral did not connect. A link was missing somewhere. When I was 12 or 13 years old, I was finally diagnosed and directed toward a lovely woman who taught me to read, to write, to spell, to manage numbers, from scratch. She gave me little tricks, so simple yet so valuable that I have totally integrated them. She did her job so well that I could not actually explain now what most of these tricks are or how they work, because they have become part of my way of thinking and of handling written language. What I know is that reading aloud has been, and still is, a major problem, especially if I have not seen the text before – and by this I mean not seen EVER, or not seen in the last 10 minutes, depending on the day. This can be a great source of anxiety, striking at the most unexpected time. Yet I know that, if I slow down, if I breathe in and out as I read, if I focus on each word instead of the whole sentence, I’ll do it, and no one will ever know. And if I trip, well, I trip and that is that!

The other thing is that the advent of computers, word processors, spell-check, etc… has greatly helped my writing. I am not sure how or why, but I know that I find it much easier to type than to write long-hand, and that it easier for me to spot where things go wrong when it’s on a screen or a printout than my long hand. To a point where I came to wonder if I was “still” dyslexic. Until I took a very simple (even simplistic) little test I found on the Dyslexia Association of Ireland website, a test directed at adults. Here it is, with my answers:


“The following is a list of questions for any adult who thinks she/he may be dyslexic.

• Do you dislike reading aloud? YES, YES, YES.
• Is reading new material difficult? YES.
• Does it take you a long time to read a book? YES, though I do read a lot.
• Do you sometimes pronounce words incorrectly? YES, YES, YES. In both languages!
• Do you have problems with spelling? YES, though it’s not as bad for me in English as it is in French. But when one word is similar in both languages but not quite, I struggle, big time, and can end up with a new word combining both spellings.
• Did you have difficulty at school and did you do less well in written exams than you feel you should have? OH YES, oral exams were always so much easier... as long as I did not have to read aloud, of course!
• Do you find it hard to write letters, reports, or even to take phone messages clearly? LETTERS AND REPORTS NO, BUT PHONE MESSAGES: YES! If given a name or phone number, I always need to get the person to slow down, I repeat the letters or digits as they are given to me, to buy me time to process (one of my little tricks, apparently). But if someone leaves a message on my voice mail with a number, I have found myself listening 6, 7 or even 8 times to ensure I have it, and have it right, because I can take down only a couple of digits at a time… bloody nuisance!
• Do you have problems with sentence construction and punctuation? NO! Hmmm! ;-)
• Do you get phone numbers wrong? YES, YES, YES.
• Do you confuse 'left' and 'right'? YES, AND TUESDAY WITH THURSDAY, AND WEDNESDAY WITH FRIDAY, ETC… (Different days in French!)
• Is your handwriting hard to read? That is an understatement. If I do not focus on my writing, not only others can’t read me, but I can barely read myself at times!
• Do you find it hard to see the mistakes you have made in written work? OH YES, especially if hand-written!
• Do you have 'good' days and 'bad' days? DEFINITELY! Some days are a real struggle. And tiredness makes it worse because of lack of focus.
• Do you find it hard to remember things in sequence? YES!
• Do you find it hard to remember new facts, names, etc? YES, YES, YES.
• Do you get confused with times and dates? BIG TIME! ;-)
• Did you find it hard to learn by 'ordinary' teaching methods? NOT SURE WHAT IS MEANT HERE. What I know is that I must write down EVERY THING, every scrap of information that I know I need to retain. Then I know where I have filed the document it’s rewritten on (hard or soft copy), and can retrieve it easily when needed, again and again until it sinks in – another little trick!
• Do you forget quickly rather than learn slowly? ABSOLUTELY! This is probably why I could never cram for any exam I took, and God knows I sat quite a few over the years! Learning has always been a long haul process, with a lot of repetition, a lot of going over things, until things do sink in and stay there. And I am taking about facts to be learnt and retained here, rather than logical processes or cause-and-consequence type of information (these have never been a problem). Last minute of scanning through something has always been useless, as the information is gone almost as soon as it came in. To this day, I prepare for important things like meetings, presentations, etc... as far in advance as I can, to go back over as much as possible.
• Does someone else in your family have similar learning problems? APPARENTLY YES.

Many people will say yes to some of these questions. Some people will say yes to many of them. Counting up, my answers are “YES” to 18 out of 19 questions. I am not saying this is an absolute diagnostic, but… I would call it confirmation of an earlier one. Any doubt I may have harboured has been dispelled, I “still” am!



I have generally not publicised my dyslexia. Since my bag of tricks has enabled me to function pretty well for years, there is no need to highlight it. I get by very well without revealing it, especially in a work situation. It is probably also due to the fact that I feel I would appear “different”, that people may not understand that I can do every thing I am supposed to do, that it does not “handicap” me. Down to the point, I feel that the perception others have of me would change if they knew. In short, I am probably prejudiced against myself.

Learning of the numerous members of my club as I listed above, some of whom I do truly admire (but I won’t name them, that would be telling too much for today!), showed me it is one diagnostic, like another, it does not reflect on me as a person, or on what I can or cannot do. So reading and spelling may be a difficulty for me? This does not stop me from having a love of words, a love of the written form of language. So remembering names and numbers, facts and figures may cause me a little hassle? This does not stop me from being pretty good at what I do, no matter what it is, if I may say so myself (blowing my own trumpet, etc...). So reading aloud is not my forte? Ah, but a lot of other things are...! The big question is: How do people see Dyslexia? How would an employer consider a prospective employee if it is written on the CV as one of the “talents” or “achievements”? Because I consider my adapting to a world so dominated by the written word, and adapting so well, as one of my biggest achievements. Do we talk enough about it, dispel the myths? I am very conscious that my own silence has been contributing to maintaining them all these years.

Having said this, I find reassuring the fact that it is a spectrum, it confirms they are variations between people, and even within me from day to day. Strangely enough, doing the little test above, researching Dyslexia in the last while, has actually got me thinking that someone working with me may also be on this spectrum, as some signs are unquestionably and repeatedly showing. So I have been wondering if I should start stepping out a little, at least with this person. You know, recognition and all that. Something to ponder upon...

Because every one of us is different. We each have our own way of processing information, of processing our thoughts, and of using the talents we have and the skills we have acquired. As long as we can communicate, in an effective manner (e.g. the message I send is received as intended, and vis-versa), then the way we do it is in essence not relevant.



Just one thing in conclusion: if I leave a comment on a blog every now and then, as I know I have done, where the words don’t seem to make much sense, where “typos” go a little over the top, please do not think that I was typing while under the influence of some alcoholic beverage or some funny pills. No! No such luck!

Just be patient with me. It simply means that I am having a bad day, or a bad hour, and that I did not use my “safety net”: I rushed in and typed the comment straight into the comment box, instead of taking time to draft it on a Word document first, checking it out thoroughly, and then copying and pasting... Goodness! All my secrets are out now!

UP with Hammie and Boo

Or Racism et al. (part 1)


I was very honoured this week to be asked to join Hammie and her son Boo to go and see the film UP with them yesterday. I love animation movies, I am quite a fan in fact, and have been for a long time. Truth be told, I probably not only never “grew” out of them, but enjoy them more as time goes by: the level of sophistication, on the technical side of course, but also in the way most of these films are so cleverly designed as to appeal to the whole population, irrespective of age, simply gets me.

Up is no different. No, actually, it is different. The 3D effects are simply brilliant, the graphics are superb, and the adult-viewer-destined nods and winks along the way are very subtly but very surely sprinkled throughout.

It was a very pleasurable afternoon, made all the more pleasurable by the hug I received from and gave back to Boo when we parted ways – Ok, hugs exchanged with Hammie as well, of course! I had started the day by shopping in Dundrum for a pair of blue shoes, to go with one of my “work” suits, had ended up finding them,… plus a pair of mauve shoes,… plus a mauve bag – mauve sounds so much posher than purple, doesn’t it? And I ended the day going back into the shops and buying a cream jacket… Oh my poor credit card was overactive on Saturday!

What has this got to do with Racism et al. as per the (sub) title above, I hear you ask. Well now, let me explain.

On Friday, I was having one of those coffee-break chitchats one has with colleagues on a regular basis. You know the type:
- So, anything planed for the weekend?
- Couple of things. But what I am really looking forward to is seeing UP.
- UP?
- Yeah, you know the film coming out this weekend.
- ????
- Look here (pointing to a newspaper on the table, open on the very page showing an ad for the film), it’s a new animation film, just out, and it’s supposed to be brilliant.
- …But, it’s a kids movie…?
- If you want to call it that. But I’m really looking forward to it!
- And you’re bringing a kid to it?
- Actually, I am accompanying a friend and her son.
- And you don’t mind going to a kids’ movie?
- Mind? What do you mean mind? I love them…
The look on my colleague’s face had gone from surprise, to scepticism, to pure and simple incomprehension. So I ploughed in:
- Animation films can truly be Art. Some of what comes out sometimes borders on pure genius. Take Wall-E…
- Wall-what?
- Wall-E. Surely you have heard of Wall-E!
- ???
- Well, I did not see Wall-E in the cinema, unfortunately. But I was given the DVD by my son…
- He is an adult, right?
- Right! And when he gave it to me, he said it contained the best non-dialogue 20 minutes to be shown on film in years… and he was right, it’s simply, simply, brilliant!

Look of total blankness on my colleague’s face. He just simply did not know what I was talking about. And I thought “Pity the kids he might have one day!”

So, to drive the final stake into the heart of the matter, I simply said before taking up my mug and going back into the office:
- UP is made by the same people who made Monster Inc. If it’s half as good, I will enjoy it. Because you don’t need to be a kid to enjoy animation films. They are just simply for everyone.


This conversation got me thinking, as it echoed several conversations I had in the last few months. And all have a common theme: Attitudes to labels.


In this first part of my reflection, three of these labels just up at me, Ageism, Racism, and Abilitism – I made up that last one, and quite like! ;-)


As I see it, putting forward the idea that, just because we are adults, we are not supposed to enjoy so called “kiddies” movies, is in my opinion a clear example of Ageism.

Here is another one: Only a few days before, I found myself drawn into a discussion where one person was arguing that some women should watch what they wear, because, let’s face it, they are ridiculous, like sheep trying to pass off as lamb. I listened patiently while (younger) women around me argued that age has nothing to do with what we wear, that the important thing is that the cloths we wear suit us and we feel comfortable in them. Notably, the only man at the table kept very, oh so very quite! I eventually had to butt in and asked exactly what she was referring to. She hesitated and eventually she said could not understand how someone who is a mother with teenage daughters could go in those “trendy” shops for cloths for herself, and dare to wear them! I answered that I am not sure what “trendy” shops she was referring to, but I am in my early 50’s, a mother AND grandmother, and I shop in River Island, Next, Sasha, etc… and somehow I don’t think I look like a sheep in lamb’s clothing. At least I would hope to be told if that was the case. As all eyes fixed on the poor woman (I felt for her then), she just shrugged her shoulders and kept chewing on her lunch. I wonder what she will make of my new mauve shoes?

Or the blue ones?

(Could not resist it, had to show them!)

Ageism, or the perception that age means dressing a particular way.




In the same vein, I have been at the receiving end of Racism during my time on Ireland. In fairness, the incidents in question were not numerous. But they each left a deep mark, mainly because they came in series, and from people I became close to, or had to work closely with. In the first one, I eventually had to threaten to involve the Managing Director and put through a formal complaint, as the remarks had gone too far. This was a long time ago, at a time when “immigration” was a fairly new concept in Ireland. But being called “froggy” and told on a daily basis to go back “home” was not pleasant. Arguments that over the years my taxes had paid for this young arrogant pup’s education and enabled him to become an engineer did not have any weight. The threat did, fortunately.

Another incident came from someone I had come to call a friend. I held this person’s opinion quite high, and as a result had increasingly started doubting my judgment on some things as, over time, she seemed to colour my views and how they were perceived by others in an increasingly negative light. My eyes opened, painfully, when one day she eventually said: “you know, people like X and Y say that they appreciate your view points and tell you that you have good ideas, but at the end of the day, what they really mean is that they are quite taken by the way you can express yourself so clearly in English. After all, it’s not your mother tongue!”… Needless to say, that was that of this “friendship”. Strangely, to this day, I am still on excellent terms with X and Y, and do consider them amongst my closest friends!...


What about Abilitism?

Let me give you two examples: during a conversation sometime ago, where someone was describing some new skill her baby had just discovered, and I was exchanging similar prowess about Cathal (as I do, so proudly, worst than any new parent with his or her new child! Grandparents can be fierce in this way), saying he does this but not that yet. The third person present piped in: “Ah but sure, that is to be expected, he is delayed!”

I felt myself getting very angry: what right has anyone, who has not met Cathal, who knows of him only what I tell them, to pass such judgment on his abilities, or lack of, just because of his diagnosis of DS?

But this person surprised me even more since: during a discussion centering on the lack of facilities for Speech and Language Therapy, the question was asked by the same person:
- Why does Cathal need Speech and Language Therapy? He is deaf?
- No, he is not.

Ok, to be honest, when I first heard of signing and Lámh, I did ask Cathal’s Mammy why it was necessary since we knew that he could hear – in my defence, it was only a few months after his birth and I was still catching up on basic information. So one could understand the reaction? Please read on. Because what came next is priceless:

- So, if he is not deaf, why does he need S&L therapy? Has he a cleft palate?

… And this from a trained nurse… who worked for years in Ireland’s leading paediatric hospital (in Crumlin)… in the Cardiac wards where half the patients have DS … in the cardiac ICU where a lot of the patients have DS!

Abilitism in full swing!

This is for part 1 of this post. Centering on what I have witnessed in others.

But what about what I witnessed in myself? See you in Part 2!